A Family Affair by Sue Nyathi

Author:Sue Nyathi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan South Africa
Published: 2022-01-12T09:04:54+00:00

The Kingdom of God has a clear and succinct policy about dating and what it should look like. According to the church, a date must involve two unmarried couples meeting at a designated public venue to partake in recreational activities. The strict nature of the definition means that couples can’t meet in a private space, like a home, unsupervised. Chaperoned dating is encouraged and it is not uncommon to see couples double-dating accompanied by church elders or married couples. Dating within the church is strongly encouraged.

‘Keep it in the family! Let’s grow the Kingdom!’ Abraham intones. ‘As couples you must be equally yoked. Not just in spirit but in social standing too.’

Every other weekend there is a wedding at the Kingdom of God. After Yandisa’s wedding, it has become a popular venue and, for a fee, couples can get married there. Dating is considered a serious pursuit in the church and people don’t just date for ‘fun’. They date with the express purpose of getting married and the dating process is merely a way to get to know each other at ‘arms length’.

If marriage is not considered to be the main objective of dating, it is discouraged. Sex before marriage is a complete taboo. Abraham preaches fervently against fornication which is considered to be consensual sex between unmarried people. He also preaches against adultery which is consensual sex between a married individual and an unmarried one. Notwithstanding this, there have been a few scandals in the church including the choir master getting the praise and worship leader pregnant. Then there was the issue of the deacon who had been cavorting with one of the ushers and when his wife got wind of it, attacked the usher after the main morning service one Sunday. Then the youth pastor made two girls in his cell group pregnant.

It is a Thursday night, and Pastor Mlilo is preaching about premarital sex. ‘The problem is that if the relationship becomes physical, a person becomes emotionally invested. This makes it difficult to break things off when you discover things about the person you don’t like or if you have differing ideologies. Get to know the person on an intellectual and spiritual level first. You will have the rest of your life to get physical.’

A hand is raised and a young man stands up to question the pastor.

‘So why would God give us these desires if he didn’t want us to act on them?’

There are murmurs of agreement around the congregation.

Pastor Mlilo explains, ‘When you are born again, you are born in spirit not the flesh. You need to control your desires and like the Apostle Paul said, it is better to marry than burn with passion. Sex is meant to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage.’

He dims the lights and asks everyone to turn their attention to a video on the screen that will provide further teaching and explanation on the subject. Keith turns his attention to Xoliswa. She’s wearing a short, pin-striped skirt that has been distracting him from the moment he laid eyes on her earlier that evening.

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